Passing the digital restaurant vibe check
I don’t usually post about work, but we’re beta testing an in-app mobile editor over here at Substack and I’ve had lots of time stuck in LA Ubers this week, so I wanted to let it rip with this new feature.
On Monday, I had a fairly disappointing meal at a popular restaurant I’d always avoided. (If you follow me on IG, you know which one). Despite being recommended by multiple trusted friends, this place failed the digital vibe check in ways that just … never sat right with me. Weird menu. Poor IG energy. Positive reviews with quiet red flags.
As I’ve bounced around the city from coffee to lunch to dinner meetings, I’ve been compiling my reliable online tells if a place is worth visiting. A lot of this is pure instinct, but a few patterns have emerged, like:
Get recommended from a trusted source. I’ve muted nearly every account I follow on IG besides a few close friends, but there are also ~8 people whose food opinions I trust that break through into the feed. A positive post or text from them will go further than most other things. (Postcard has also been nice for this).
After that initial word-of-mouth rec, I’ll usually check the restaurant IG. Are good chef’s following you? I’m intrigued. (This is especially helpful internationally).
What’s your tagged page like? Is it torched with influencers? Is everyone posting videos of the same gimmicky dish but not commenting on the quality of the food? Are there actually zero tagged videos (a dream)? These are important questions. (I miss how bare the tagged pages in London were).
Have a POV in your design and branding aesthetic, but don’t make it, like, the whole point of the restaurant. Reflect that in your website and IG presences, but not to the degree that it feels like a majority of your budget is going toward social media marketing. (The Cervo’s team does this well across all of their restaurants).
Have your desserts listed online so I know you take them seriously.
No cocktail lists filled with puns. Preferably a tolerable cocktail menu with very few wild creations.
Is your menu highlighting the entrees more than anything else? If so, I’m out. Most entrees are a waste of time.
I prefer simplicity in dish descriptions on menus. If every listed dish looks like it has one too many components, I start to balk. It also makes me nervous that every dish will be explained to me. (For a good example of a perfect menu, check Bavel).
No cosplay. If you’re an uptight, New American restaurant, don’t half-step a few homey southern dishes. If your crowd is mostly midtown workers with backpacks, don’t play a bunch of hip hop.
I like a place that shows they do some pop-ups and collabs (think Wildair). Like with dating someone new, prove to me you have friends and people like you.
Have a good bathroom.
Hopefully the team from The Infatuation isn’t too excited about the restaurant. (They attract a lame crowd).
If you serve the same, predictable Italian menu as everyone else (like Ci Siamo), you should at least have a sexy, intimate space (unlike Ci Siamo).
If you’re a Substacker and you wanna try out the mobile editor this week, hmu. In general, I’m anti writing from the phone, but I like having the ability to be slightly more casual in this space. Every keystroke on desktop just feels a little more intense.